Monthly Archives: February 2015

Holiday coming to an end

Only a few more days until I have to go to work. With a combination of partner’s leave and annual leave, I have had quite a number of weeks off and I really don’t want to go back. I’m going to miss spending my days with LO and my beloved. LO is really good company and I love them both very much. LO is developing all the time and doing new things which are quite little but mean a lot. For example, when she first came to us, she would take things out of a box but now she puts things in. We have a toy xylophone and at first, she would put the xylophone stick in her mouth. Now, she tries to hit the keys with it. These things may not seem much but they show that she is developing and her brain has processed new things so she can do them. Today, LO stood on her own! She was standing next to my beloved who let go of her and she stood for about 3 seconds without holding onto anything. It was very exciting and momentous!

To celebrate, I’ve included my very first picture which is the obligatory shoe snap that I’ve seen done a few times on other blogs.

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Emotional roller coster

During the past few weeks with LO, it has really been a roller coaster of emotions. We have had some really, really good days and some not very good days. On the whole, she has been amazing and she has a lovely sociable temperament. Her sleeping has been a bit of an issue as recently, she starts crying when we put her to bed.

Against all the advice I have read, I have picked her up and taken her to another room as I have tried reassuring her without picking her up and leaving her. These methods do not work with her, particularly as she has only really known us for about a month and so us leaving her may be more damaging than good. She doesn’t really cry that much so when she is crying and so vehemently, it breaks our hearts and that she is really distressed. After a while, she calms down and I put her down to sleep again and the next day, she is fine. However, it really gets to me and I blame us for changing her life and her routine. We have stopped giving her bottles for her day naps as this is bad for her teeth. We are now giving her, her bottles earlier and then rocking her to sleep in a push-chair with the intention that she will sleep in her cot without the bottle. We are still giving her, her night time bottle to sleep as we suspect this will be the hardest one to break and we will need to crack the day time bottles first.

This day time feeding and napping has been working well but as I said, her night-time routine has become distressing. This has really upset me as I thought that maybe it was too soon to implement change and we have created this distress to her. We both have had separate melt downs about this. For the first time since introductions, we have cried which I think is pretty good-going.

This parenthood business is really unforgiving. When she is upset and we’re doing our best to comfort her, she is still upset. She doesn’t care that we haven’t really slept, or that I’ve had a cold for a month, she just cares about how she is feeling. The unrelentlessness of the situation can really get to us sometimes and we can feel really frustrated and angry which then makes us feel guilty as she is just a baby after all. However, to not feel these things would make us inhuman. This experience has made us realise how important it is to talk to each other, particularly after she has gone to bed. For a few days, I forgot to do this and to actually spend time together. It was only when my beloved said that she felt that she was ‘losing me’ that I realised and so we are now talking to each other and spending quality time together.

Anyway, we have finally worked out why she gets distressed when we put her to bed. She is now getting a lot more stimulation from us and she is in a really good mood after dinner that we start being quite physical with her in tickling and chasing her. This obviously makes her very excited and then we try to put her to bed which distresses her. So we have tried to not get her too excited after dinner and engage in calmer play. After her bath time, we give her half of her formula milk (as she expects to get her bottle at this time) and then I chill out with her in the living room without my beloved. I am then super boring and will not engage in play with her, despite her very cute attempts. Then when she is showing signs of tiredness, I give her a second bottle with the rest of the formula and then calmly put her to bed and it worked! I am very relieved and less emotionally wrought at the end of the day, particularly knowing that we haven’t damaged her!

Family visits

My parents came to meet LO again and they have completely forgotten that she needs time to adjust to new people and they have to wait for her to come to them. They were in her face and quite loud when talking to her that it became too much. She was bewildered by the noise and intense interactions of being picked up without wanting to or following her around the room (not knowing that she was actually trying to get away from them). They were also asking when we could go around their house with her, not remembering that she has only been with us for about a week. After they had left, we calmed LO down but that night, we heard a low moaning sound coming from the baby monitor. LO was having a nightmare and was sobbing in her sleep. We probably did the worst thing and woke her up to comfort her. It then took a couple of hours to get her back down again. I was quite cross at my parents who think that she is like any other child and quite cross at myself for letting this happen. I wrote my parents an email to try and put them in her shoes and basically, in the nicest way, and in the interests of LO, to back off. The problem is, is that my parents don’t quite get it, that children need to come to you and you can’t force these things as, if anything, it makes them less eager to come to you. After writing them an email, I rang them to tell them to read it. I got a reply from my dad who completely missed the mark, saying that he loved her no matter who she is. I had to reply to him to tell that this was not the point and reminded him that he needed to move slowly and informed them of what happened that night. They came again the next day and went the other way, in which they didn’t really touch her. But then after 10 minutes, they forgot themselves, well, my dad did anyway, and was again following her around the room and being in her face. However, as my mum was calm, she was okay and luckily they left before she got agitated. It’s quite difficult as my parents clearly want to embrace her into the family which is a lovely thing but it is also too much too soon. As they don’t really understand, I am really going to have to keep an eye on how she is with them and unfortunately, not invite them around too much whilst she is getting used to us. LO needs us to protect her and to feel secure and this is what we will strive to do, even if it is against my parents.

Medical things and nightmares

We were told to register LO with our GP when she was placed with us and to apply for child benefit. We have done both. I’ve made an appointment for LO to have a check up by a doctor but when does she need to see the health visitor? I assume I have to make an appointment but it’s little things like that, that no one tells you.

The reason I want to see the health visitor is because LO has a bottle of formula to have whilst she falls asleep. It works wonders but I have read that it can be very bad for the baby’s mouth as milk pools in their mouth. Also, she is coming up to a year old and I’ve also read that weaning them off bottles should occur sooner rather than later as after 18 months, they can become quite attached to their bottle. The sad thing is, is that LO has also had one or two nightmares (which we’ve been told is unusual for her) but understandably so, as there has been a big change in her life. We can cuddle her and comfort her as much as we like but she will not go down without a bottle. I would like to get to the point where we don’t need a bottle anymore and comfort alone will work. I know it’s still early days and can’t believe it has only been just over two weeks since we really met her. We can get quite downhearted when she is upset but then I remember how far she has come with us in just two weeks and it gives me heart that it will work out and yes, it is still early days.

Poor little lamb, I wonder what goes on in her little head. She is quite cheery in the morning and hope that this big change doesn’t affect her too much. So tomorrow, I’ll ring the GP and see if we can make an appointment with the health visitor or baby clinic, or both!