Too soon

I stupidly looked at Children Who Wait again for children’s profiles and my heart sank at the realisation that I am back at this stage. Only a couple of days ago, I had imagined having James in our lives and now I’m back to looking for a child. It’s really depressing and upsetting and clearly far too soon to start looking again.

I remember reading in someone else’s blog that you need time to ‘mourn’ that child when things like this happen. They are right. I need time to mourn the loss of our hopes and dreams about becoming a parent to James. Just like when someone dies, life goes on and you have to get on with things. Then as you get into the swing of things, you forget and suddenly, you remember and it hits you all over again.

Our families and friends have been fantastic. They have done what we asked and let us come to terms with this we contacting us directly. I know it must be hard for them too as they started getting excited too. I know people mean well but at times like this, I can’t face hearing statements like ‘it’s not fair that you have to go through time when someone can get pregnant’ etc. Our family and friends are showing their solidarity and support through getting annoyed by the process but it can get tiring hearing their annoyance when we are feeling quite vulnerable and insecure about the process too.

Hopefully time will make things better but at the moment, I’m feeling really low.

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