Difficult decision

After the visit with James’ social worker, we knew that we wanted him. Hearing more about him and seeing videos of him just cemented our feelings about him. It was very difficult and we felt very guilty about Louis as we could easily adopt either of them. However, we felt more of a connection with James. Maybe because he was a bit older and he had more interests that were in common with us. We emailed Denise to let her know. It was quite a hard decision as we had to decide between children which is never an easy thing to do.

Shortly after we had our second meeting, Louis’ social workers told us that they wanted us to adopt him! Our minds were completely blown away by this news, particularly as we felt that the meeting didn’t go very well. However, they wanted an answer straight away about whether we would take him but Denise said we needed the weekend to think about it. She wanted to contact James’ social worker just to confirm that she still wanted us, before she told Louis’ social workers of our decision. However, she couldn’t get hold of James’ social worker and left her a few messages but we heard nothing. So we had an agonising wait over the weekend. Fortunately we had a busy weekend to sorting out a relative’s house which helped us to not ruminate over the situation. However, at work on Monday, I kept one eye out on my phone that was on my desk. My heart sank when 6pm came and went and no phone call occurred. I partly guessed this was going to happen as James’ social worker worked part time but Denise was trying to get hold of her manager as Louis’ social workers wanted to know our decision.

On Tuesday, I get a voice mail from Denise telling me that she had to tell Louis’ social workers of our decision as they were chasing her. A part of me understood why they were so eager for a decision but I couldn’t help think that it was a bit rich that they wanted a quick decision from us when they made us wait for over a month to meet them. Before that, they had his adoption order in place before he was born and yet he was still in foster care, a year on. It did stick in the craw somewhat but I hoped it was because they had another family lined up if we didn’t take him. It was very sad as he was such a lovely child and we would have adopted him if James wasn’t in the picture. It just feels so strange and heartless that I can talk so candidly about choosing children but we have to be honest with ourselves as this is a big decision!

Finally on Wednesday late afternoon, we got the call we were waiting for. James’ social worker said she was still interested in us! We breathed a sigh of relief but held it again when she said that as we are out of his local authority, they have to send another person to assess us! It was very infuriating as why couldn’t they have sent two social workers for our first visit? Now, we have to take another annual leave day off (a day which I could have taken when we have a child) and delays the process even further. However, on the plus side, we are one step nearer.

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