First visit

We had our first visit the other day for Louis. It was really nerve-racking. There were two people and they started by updating on Louis and we asked our questions. They asked us various questions ranging from the questions about Louis such as ‘How do you feel about the level of uncertainty of developmental problems as Louis is very young?’ to the usual same sex ones ‘Will there be any male role models?’ ‘How will you support Louis if he gets teased in school about having two mums?’ etc, etc. It was quite intense and lasted about 2 to 2.5 hours. We were not sure about how it went but without speaking to each other, we both felt like it didn’t really go well. There were some questions we felt that we were floundering and that’s because it felt as if our answers weren’t ‘enough’ for the social workers. Also, it seemed as if one social worker had a perfect idea of what a family should be and we felt that she thought we weren’t it. However, this could all be complete nonsense and she didn’t think this at all. This whole second guessing business is far too tiring to think about.

One piece of advice, if the birth dad is not confirmed but the mum says it is a person of a certain ethnic heritage, do not automatically assume that the social workers would ask how you would promote this ethnicity. This is what we did and we felt a bit stumped when the social worker said that she doubted the mum’s word about the dad. She was more concerned about the whole ‘space’ of one half of the parent. This is completely understandable and now so obvious but we got wrapped up about the wrong thing. Best thing to do is to think about both sides of the coin and how you would approach that with the child.

As with a job interview, we just don’t know how we did. Hopefully we should find out soon.

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