Monthly Archives: April 2014

Preparing for the visit

Shortly after our meeting with Denise, she followed up again on James’ social worker and they want to meet us! It has really buoyed us up, knowing that two different social workers think we could potentially be someone’s parent!

We are still waiting to meet and getting our house and ourselves prepped and ready. So how do we prep for such a meeting I hear you cry? Well, I looked at forums to see what other people did. Other people were very helpful in preparing for that all too important visit. So here’s a list:

  • We read the child’s report (which was sent to us when our social worker sent our profile to the child’s social worker) and thought about all the questions we could think to ask the social workers (we wrote these down to as we will most probably forget). These questions included any ambiguities in the report, any questions that just cropped up in our heads, any health issues, any potential health issues, personality, behaviour management, what the child is like etc.
  • We also read the text that we sent to the social worker about how we can meet his needs – we would need to do read through James’ report and think of what needs he will have and how we could meet them.
  • We looked through the report on us and thought of any potential questions they may ask us (e.g. finance, male role models, dealing with teasing, homophobia) and then talking through our answers together.
  • Reading up on any ambiguous potential health difficulties or conditions that may occur in the child (e.g. if mother took drugs or alcohol during birth etc.) to see the impact on the child and if we could take this on.
  • Preparing the child’s bedroom so it is empty enough with child friendly accessories (which look like an adult would have anyway and not too childishly freaky to have if you are an adult) so they can imagine this room being a child’s bedroom.
  • Get appropriate provisions in (coffee, tea, milk, juice, biscuits, easy to eat fruit (the option for the healthier social worker).
  • Clean! Clean! Clean!

We are very excited and hopefully we can move onto the next step of this long, long journey!

Touching base

Louis’ social workers have got back to us! They scheduled the meeting a month later which I thought was strange considering the pressure of having to match children sooner rather than later. However we are still thrilled that they want to meet us.

Denise wanted to meet us to go through about what to expect from the meeting. I have to say that it was a good idea as we had only met her once and had discussions over the phone and over the email. I thought it would be good to meet her to touch base and remind each other that we are human and fighting for the same corner!

She met at our house and went through the meeting. The social workers (there are always two who visit) will usually give an update about the child and then ask if we have any questions. Then the real meat of the visit will be asking us questions. They would also want to see our house and they may have photos/videos of the child. It apparently lasts about 1.5 to 2 hours. I imagine it will be quite a nerve wracking time but we are quite excited.

We are still waiting to hear back from James’ social workers to see if they want to meet us. Denise contacted his social worker who said she needed to talk to her manager first – this of course, got our minds racing about why? Why does she need to talk to her manager? Is there something in our report that concerns her? Has something else that happened?! So many questions which are probably all the result of frantic worrying! What is happening to me?

Roller coaster of emotions

We haven’t heard from Louis’ social workers about a date to meet and wondered why. We wondered if we are the ‘back up’ option, possibly as we were a same sex couple and they might be holding out for another potential adopter. It is quite easy to become paranoid due to the non-communication during a particularly anxious and stressful time. We are desperate to be parents and feel frustrated at times as too rightly, the child should be the main concern but it does feel that sometimes potential adopters’ emotions are forgotten about.

Anyway, sorry for sounding so negative – I don’t mean to be! Denise sent us another profile of a 3 year old boy called James (obviously not his real name). He is very cute and matches our ethnicity which is quite rare. We expressed our interest and we received his full form quite soon afterwards. Unusually for us, his social workers were interested in us (they saw our profile) but we didn’t hear about him for a while as we were considering Louis and the other boy (who I mentioned a couple of posts previously). However, Denise found out that we can consider up to 3 children so she sent us James’ profile. We are quite excited about James too as his personality and likes seemed to match ours. With bated breath, we are waiting for James’ social worker to read out profile and see if they want to meet us. We are really keen on both of these boys so it’s quite difficult waiting to hear from their social workers. It certainly is a good lesson on how to be patient!

A mixed bag

A mixed bag of news. First of all, the good news – one of the boys’ social worker wants to meet us! We are ecstatic to hear that we may be one step closer to having a child. We are waiting to hear about a date to take off work, clean and do general preparation before we meet. I’ve read some useful advice from the wise peeps off New Family Social. However, I feel like I need some time to let the news soak in before I do some real prep (and nearer to the date of the meeting). Let’s call him Louis.

The other bit of not so good news is that we didn’t get shortlisted for the other boy. This is quite sad but good for him. This boy was younger and so, I imagined he would have been quite popular. However, a little bit of me did wonder if the reason we didn’t get shortlisted was because Denise didn’t send our report until 11 days later (when we sent off our initial blurb about how we would need his needs, his social worker responded and wanted to read more about us). He was quite a close match to us ethnically so we thought we might have been in with a chance. However, it seems as if the boy’s social worker has already met one couple in the time it took Denise to send our information. Hmmm… I suppose there’s no point reading too much into it as we won’t find out the truth anyway. It’s a bit of a learning curve though. It’s funny as I did think I was going to be more upset than I am. I remember reading someone else’s blog, saying that you need to have time to ‘mourn’ that child that you imagined being your child. However, I don’t feel like I need to mourn as I don’t really know much about this boy anyway. We didn’t get to read his report or see any videos or anything like that.

Denise also sent us another profile of a child. She looks like a sweet girl but for some reason, I didn’t feel any ‘spark’. I have no idea why as there is nothing wrong with her. I’m not entirely sure if I should just dismiss her because of the no spark. It may completely be different if I find out more about her. She is a child after all. I shall see what the beloved says.

Anyway to end on a high, we still have a social worker’s visit to contend with!