Choosing children – what an odd thing

Since we have Denise as our social worker, things have really moved on. We enquired about a few children from Children who wait and passed on Denise’s details. It is very strange looking at children and surprising at how fast you become accustomed to looking at a catalogue of children and then being quite dismissive about them. It feels quite heartless, scanning a page of young faces and turning the page. But then it’s about self-preservation in a way and time. We have to be honest about how we feel about who we see. It’s even more strange to try and decipher what it is about a particular child that you feel drawn to over another child. I, for instance, seem to be drawn to children who could potentially be my child, e.g. same hair colour, mixed race (I am not White British but my partner is). If I see a child that potentially looks as if they could have come from the region my family are from, I am more drawn to him/her. Race has never been an issue for me and I don’t walk around, feeling like a particular race. However, race has really come to the fore during this process and I never really knew it would play such a part in choosing children.

We also received a form that should have been done a while ago (surprise, surprise) to put us on the National Register so children’s social workers can see us. Denise sent us the form and it is very harsh in the way that it asks you matter-of-factly, what kind of child would you consider. It is a check list stating various mental health issues e.g. schizophrenia etc., learning difficulties and mental and physical difficulties. We had to go through each one, ticking whether we would be willing to adopt a child with these needs (yes, no, need more information). Surprisingly, we did this quite quickly and we seemed to agree on what we could take on.

Finally, we also enquired about two boys (separate boys, not siblings) that we saw on Children Who Wait. They are both mixed race and under a year old. We aren’t necessarily looking for a baby but it so happened that they somehow ‘called out’ to us. We shall wait and see what happens.

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