Second home visit – we are family…

Well it’s been a while since I’ve written. We have had our second visit. It was quite insightful as we each took turns to talk about our families and went through each member of the family, starting with the grandparents. My beloved took a very long time as she has loads of family members so by the time it got round to me, Lucy (our SW) was quite tired and easily confused. This clearly was not a good start for me and my family, particularly as my family history is blurry and difficult to explain as I do not know much about it myself. It has however, given me the impetus to delicately try and find out more from my parents. An annoying thing that happened was that my beloved kept interrupting, thinking she was being helpful, but actually just made Lucy more confused as she was giving incorrect tit-bits of information! It made me realise how important it is for couples to give each other the silence needed when they are telling their story! Something I hope my beloved will take on for next time.

It was very intense 2.5 hours and we were all shattered by the end of it. I imagine it would be very difficult and intrusive for people who don’t like to think or talk about the past as Lucy did an excellent bit of probing! I can see how some potential adopters start therapy before they go on any further!

When we were talking about ourselves, it is very easy to be indulgent and go on for hours but we need to remember that this is still an interview of sorts and that Lucy will write down what we say for a panel of people to judge our parenting skills. Something we need to keep in our heads, particularly for our homework. We have to write about our childhood experiences which is quite difficult to do in a succinct way. I’m going to choose good examples (good and bad) to highlight what I have learnt from it and how I would apply these experiences to my parenting style.

After the flurry of activity from having a social worker talk to us about adoption, prep group and two visits from Lucy, the process has slowed down. Our next visit won’t be for a little while yet. Maybe Lucy purposely waits a while after this visit as it brings up a lot about family dynamics etc. or maybe she just didn’t have any space in her diary. I am concerned that we haven’t got all the visits booked (she said a minimum of 8 is needed before panel). I’m wondering if she is still planning to get us to panel in the summer as she has not responded to us asking if she wanted to book more in. Hmmm…. we shall wait and see.

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