Monthly Archives: April 2013

Second home visit – we are family…

Well it’s been a while since I’ve written. We have had our second visit. It was quite insightful as we each took turns to talk about our families and went through each member of the family, starting with the grandparents. My beloved took a very long time as she has loads of family members so by the time it got round to me, Lucy (our SW) was quite tired and easily confused. This clearly was not a good start for me and my family, particularly as my family history is blurry and difficult to explain as I do not know much about it myself. It has however, given me the impetus to delicately try and find out more from my parents. An annoying thing that happened was that my beloved kept interrupting, thinking she was being helpful, but actually just made Lucy more confused as she was giving incorrect tit-bits of information! It made me realise how important it is for couples to give each other the silence needed when they are telling their story! Something I hope my beloved will take on for next time.

It was very intense 2.5 hours and we were all shattered by the end of it. I imagine it would be very difficult and intrusive for people who don’t like to think or talk about the past as Lucy did an excellent bit of probing! I can see how some potential adopters start therapy before they go on any further!

When we were talking about ourselves, it is very easy to be indulgent and go on for hours but we need to remember that this is still an interview of sorts and that Lucy will write down what we say for a panel of people to judge our parenting skills. Something we need to keep in our heads, particularly for our homework. We have to write about our childhood experiences which is quite difficult to do in a succinct way. I’m going to choose good examples (good and bad) to highlight what I have learnt from it and how I would apply these experiences to my parenting style.

After the flurry of activity from having a social worker talk to us about adoption, prep group and two visits from Lucy, the process has slowed down. Our next visit won’t be for a little while yet. Maybe Lucy purposely waits a while after this visit as it brings up a lot about family dynamics etc. or maybe she just didn’t have any space in her diary. I am concerned that we haven’t got all the visits booked (she said a minimum of 8 is needed before panel). I’m wondering if she is still planning to get us to panel in the summer as she has not responded to us asking if she wanted to book more in. Hmmm…. we shall wait and see.

First home visit & cleaning

The day finally came to meet our social worker. We cleaned our house, but not too clean as we heard that some people were hampered in the adoption process because social workers said they were “too tidy”. Not sure if this was an urban myth or actually true but we weren’t taking any chances!

Its funny because I’ve read quite a lot of blogs, stories etc. about people manically cleaning their abodes in preparation for their home visits. Its understandable really as its quite a nerve-wracking time because you feel like you’re going to be judged in your own home; your precious place where you eat, sleep and play and you adorn in your own tastes. Judge your home, judge the very nerve centre of you, so no wonder you spend hours cleaning. Cleaning is also a very good task to do to make you think you could somehow control an uncontrollable situation, and there is no better situation to make you out of control than the anticipation of the first home study!

Anyway, we needn’t have worried as Lucy, our social worker, didn’t even look at the house! Lucy was very nice and soon put us at ease and we were all laughing. She went through about what was going to happen and we went through our diaries to put in future meetings. The most surprising thing is that she is pregnant and wants us to panel before she goes on maternity leave which is in three months time! I’ll wait and see if it will proceed that fast. We are going to try and do as much as we can to get to the next step quickly so I need to go and do my homework!

First visit arranged!

Well just as I was about to moan about the lack of contact from the LA, our newly allocated social worker rings! I’ve read that LAs are notorious for delivering later than they tell you so if it’s best to manage your own expectations and expect a response within 4 weeks if they say 2. I’ve found out that this is easier said than done though.

Anyway, 3.5 weeks later, we got a phone call to meet our allocated social worker and I’m surprisingly not nervous at all. Perhaps as time draws nearer, I’ll be getting the jitters and cleaning compulsively. I can’t wait to meet our Social worker and get the ball rolling. At the moment, we feel like our lives have been put on hold until we meet her. For example, we have been desperately wanting to go on holiday but we can’t really book anything until we know more about the meetings and when they are likely to be. I imagine this is what is going to happen throughout the process!

The other day, someone said to me that we may have a child by the end of the year which was strange to hear. I think we are both not thinking that far ahead yet as we don’t know when it is going to be, so we’re taking it one step at a time. I can’t wait to start thinking about what we would do when the Little One arrives but we have to manage our hopes for now and get the assessment period started first.

Well, no doubt our social worker will be mentioned a lot, so I’m going to christian her Lucy. Roll on first meeting!