Monthly Archives: January 2013

The search begins and the first home visit

Soon after our budgeting talk, I get wind that there is a managerial role at my old company. This role would be perfect for us as it would mean that my beloved could be primary carer and I would bring in not just enough bacon, but a whole gammon back home. I await eagerly for the job to be advertised.

At the same time, we complete the enquiry forms for the new local authority, not expecting a quick reply. Two weeks later, however, I get a phone call asking when they can send round a social worker and that they would like to do this straight after Christmas (we were in the beginningish of December at this point). Flabbergasted at their efficiency, I managed to arrange a date with them soon after the Christmas period.

The manager job is advertised and I apply and wait for the first home visit.

We weren’t so scared about the home visit as we were last time. I expect this is because we knew what to expect. As you would imagine, we cleaned the house and got the spare room ready to receive a tired traveller (so they didn’t have to imagine it being a bedroom). Luckily, we already had the furniture left over from having a lodger in the past.

The social worker was one of those typical “salt-of-the-earth, nothing phases me” characters which was great as the previous social workers were fascinated that we were two women. This social worker didn’t bat an eyelid which should be the right way to look at it. To me, my sexuality is just one facet of my character just like having brown eyes and you don’t get people fascinated by that do you (well, if you have lovely eyes of course, then lucky you).

After two hours of intense questioning, we showed her the flat and she commented on liking a bit of furniture and asked about the locks on the windows (of course she looked at everything but I am just being facetious), told us that the next stage is the preparation group which was next available in May and that we would hear in two weeks if we could progress to the next level. We felt a bit stunned but felt it went better than last time. Due to last time however, we weren’t very hopeful.

Budgeting for adoption

So further on from my backstory, I thought it might be useful to include a bit about budgeting for adoption… no, no, please come back! Or if it really doesn’t get your blood pumping, I’ll post a more interesting post next time! So if you’re still with me, please read on, otherwise see you at the next post…

My beloved and I were trying to work out who was going to be primary carer and how much money to save (if we can!) for adopting a child. Surprisingly, there was hardly any information out there so I turned to the informative and helpful friends at Newfamilysocial forum and got some great answers. This is how we did it (credit all due to the trusty fellows of New Family).

Essentially, you need to start one of those usual budgeting spreadsheets so include all your outgoings and incomings now and work out how much you have left over (if there is any) to save. See what you can reduce in terms of spending and increase in terms of incoming, which seems difficult at the best of times!

Then on seperate worksheets, work out how much you would have in each scenario i.e. if I was the main carer and my beloved was working and vice versa. We also looked at our organisation’s benefits (or lack of in my case) and it soon became apparent that my beloved had a better job than me in terms of salary and adoption leave. However, she would like to be the main carer and for now, that seems appropriate for me too. Which can only mean one thing. I need to find another job.

Some back story and choosing a Local Authority

Two posts in one day? Yes indeedy. To confess, I did start this blog back in October and got confused by this whole blog lark and then gave up. However, things are now progressing and I can fill you in on the back story.

My beloved and I have read books and joined New Family Social which is a great and supportive website. We have talked to one Local Authority adoption agency and have some knowledge about the process and what it entails. A couple of years ago, We applied to one local authority but our flat wasn’t suitable so we moved to somewhere more suitable.

We have now moved and decided it was time to start again. This time, however, we searched around for a local authority (LA) instead of going to the one we lived in. I don’t know why we didn’t go with a charity, going with a LA just seemed right for us.

Anyway, we went to a consortium open night which is basically lots of LAs all in one room, offering information about their service. It was very helpful to be able to talk to all of them at once. We were one of the last to leave! Most of the LAs were very nice as we interrogated them about same-sex couples, how long the procedure is, what kind of children they have at the moment (which sounds a bit horrible and consumer like but hopefully, you understand what I mean) and other stuff. We got a great feeling from one LA and after reading their literature and OFSTED report, we were convinced to choose them. I think choosing your LA/charity is very important as they will be assessing you and can affect your adoption process.

why adoption?

The first question is why adoption? Why not do it the ol’fashioned way and use a turkey baster like Jacqui off of ‘Brookside’? Well this question is quite difficult to put into words. When I was young, I never really liked children and never thought about having kids. However as I got older, my views started to change. I met the love of my life and the idea of having children crept up behind me like a mugger in the night. However, I never had strong feelings on being pregnant and never really gave it much thought to be honest. I somehow assumed that my beloved would bear the fruits of her womb rather than me. This was not what she planned however.

My beloved was quite adament about not having children for many reasons: 1) There are so many children in the world that require a loving home, 2) We can’t have children naturally, 3) She can love children that aren’t biologically hers and 4) The world is already overpopulated and its resources are at breaking point.

Something you need to know is that I am quite laid-back and take life as it comes. I’m not really a forward planner (which is strange considering forward-planning is a major part of my current job) and this obviously has to change when thinking about children and our future. So I knew I wanted to have a family with my beloved but the ‘ins and outs’ (pardon the pun) were somewhat ambiguous. What I had to think about was ‘is this what I want or what she wants or that we both want?’. One not-so-handy tactic I have when having to think about something difficult/life-changing/important (which I suppose is one thing really), is to avoid it and distract myself with unimportant tasks. So I became engrossed in the TV and put that question aside for a rainy day. Well, it rained. And it rained and the only thing to do on a rainy day is to watch more TV until my beloved sat me down and had a grown-up conversation with me and the question has been pushed to the forefront.

The weird thing is, is that we started the adoption process with our previous council but our flat was unsuitable for a child and so we put it on hold to save up and buy a flat, which we have done. No more distractions, we were going to start the process again and I had to be sure that I could confidentally answer the question ‘why adoption?’. This question is probably why I started this blog, to give myself a chance to put my thoughts down without any interruption.

The answer to this question is that I want to have children with my beloved. I think we would be great parents who would give a child a loving and stable home. I have no strong desire to be pregnant but I have a strong desire to be a parent and I can love any child, regardless if they share my genes. Adoption is not something I would have thought of before when looking into the future but neither was me giving birth. I think I just saw us having a child but how that child came about was hazy. My beloved feels strongly about adoption and if this is the way to give a child a home, then this would be the way for me. Finally, we would both be equal in the child-rearing and one of us would not be left out if we had a children biologically.

I hope that answers my own question and it has given me clarity about why. Thanks for reading my stream of consciousness.